Ms. Viv To The Rescue, Baby!

Hey there, Ms. Viv ‘Nim Fanaticals!

It most certainly has been a long time coming, hasn’t it? Let’s not waste any more time—let’s just get on with today’s blog, entitled “Ms. Viv To The Rescue, Baby!” By the way: this is a picture of Ms. Viv and her best friend, Thelma Jean Davis.

It was a typical Saturday morning at the church. Ms. Viv and her best friend Thelma Jean Davis were out evangelizing when all of a sudden, they saw a domestic assault in broad daylight just a block and a half away. From what they could see, a man pushed a woman off the porch. The woman tried to crawl away, but the bastard grabbed her and raised his hand as if he was about to strike her. Mother Davis was about to rush headlong into the fracas, but Ms. Viv had a better idea. Mother Davis reluctantly obliged.

Ms. Viv and Mother Davis proceeded to walk across the street, pretending to be oblivious of what was going on. They could clearly hear the idiot man calling the poor woman everything but a child of God. As Ms. Viv and Mother Davis approached, the jackass straightened up, expecting the two church ladies to walk past him so he could continue being stupid. To throw the man off guard, Mother Davis said, “Good morning, y’all. How are y’all doin’ this fine Saturday?”

The jackass grabbed the poor scared girl rather aggressively and said, “We doin’ just fine. My girl and I are just havin’ us a little talk.”

While Mother Davis distracted the idiot, Ms. Viv stepped away and called 9-1-1, speaking as quietly as possible. In speaking with the dispatcher, Ms. Viv took the poor woman’s body language into account. Her clothes were half-torn off of her body and she had bruises on her face. She looked at Ms. Viv with worried eyes—she was in desperate need of help.

“If only I had a monkey wrench to knock this bastard into next week,” Ms. Viv thought to herself. However, she didn’t need one, because all of a sudden…

“Freeze right there, you scumbag!”

A squad car pulled up, with two officers inside.

The jackass tried to make a run for it, but Mother Davis nonchalantly tripped him up with her walking stick. As soon as the bastard hit the ground, the officers pounced and pinned the idiot down, placing him in handcuffs. Ms. Viv and Mother Davis high-fived each other for a job well done, then approached the battered woman. After giving the officer all the information they could, Ms Viv and Mother Davis looked at each other and nodded—it was now time to do some missionary work. They took the young woman with them to get some clothes and food, then they took her to church, where Pastor Richardson awaited her. The woman, whose name was Rachel, explained how she was blinded by stupidity and tried to give excuses for the punk bastard, but later on felt like a prisoner shut out from the rest of the world. She explained how she accepted the idiot’s marriage proposal a year prior, and noticed that his personality changed. It started with childish name-calling, and then it escalated to physical assault.

“And you know, this morning I prayed to God for a means of escape, and these two ladies came by walking by,” Rachel concluded.

“Oh, think nothing of it, Sweetheart—it’s all in a day’s work for The Lord’s children,” Ms. Viv said as she high-fived Mother Davis.

Rachel then told us that she had an older sister that she hadn’t seen in a while, and she hoped to get in contact with her as soon as possible. Ms. Viv caught Rachel’s hand and said, “I tell you what, Honey—you’re gonna stay with Ms. Viv until we can get in contact with your sister. How’s that sound?”

“You would really do that for me, Ma’am?” Rachel asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Just as sure as my name is Vivian Jewel Jones!” I smiled.

“Oh, God bless you, Ms. Vivian!” Rachel said, hugging me so tightly that it caught me by surprise. “Thank you so so much.”

“You’re in good hands with Ms. Viv, young lady,” Pastor Rich said.

True to her word, Ms. Viv took Rachel in and helped her try to contact her older sister. To show her appreciation, Rachel helped Ms. Viv around the house. To Ms. Viv’s surprise, Rachel was a helluva housekeeper and a damn good cook. Rachel made sirloin steak with a baked potato, green salad, and cauliflower smothered in cheese. Rachel admitted to Ms. Viv that her passion was cooking, and it showed, because Ms. Viv enjoyed every bit of that delicious dinner

Suddenly, Ms. Viv’s doorbell rang. Ms. Viv asked Rachel to answer the door for her.

“Who is it?” Rachel asked.

“Rachel, it’s me—Jackie.”

“Oh my God—Jackie!”

Rachel opened the door and embraced Jackie, tears of joy cascading down her cheeks. It was truly one helluva reunion.

“Ms. Viv, you said that you would find her, and by God—you surely did,” Rachel said as she hugged me. “You don’t know how eternally grateful I am for you.”

“Oh, I’ve got a smidgen of an idea,” I said as I hugged her back.

Jackie joined in and hugged Ms. Viv as well, which I lovingly accepted.

“Ms. Viv, I want you to know that The Lord’s gonna bless you real good,” Rachel said to me. Thanks for takin’ such good care of me.”

“You’re so welcome, Baby,” Ms. Viv smiled.